Game Releases of 2012

I'm never drinking again.

Right, from any year, we're always going to get a sexy amount of games. There's nothing inherently special about this year.

That's a complete lie, Mass Effect 3, new Naruto Ninja Storm game and something else I can't quite remember will be my highlight, I will throw myself into the lines at numerous game stores and defecate in my pants just to get hold of these juicy video games.

While that's a bit extreme, I'll go into why I want Mass Effect 3 and the Naruto game.

Mass Effect 3 has had 2 previous instalments, we all know this, all our Shepards have numerous endings and never really stay the same but the juicy thing about number 3 is that it's the end of the story. That's it. Our characters finally get an ending.A fucking ending. Look at this shit. Look at all this swearing, I didn't put stars, I swore, that's how serious I am, goodbye younger viewers who have parental blocks, hello people who like to say "fuck" a lot.

Kinect support only adds to the strategy based aspect of i- bollocks, it gives us enough reason to shout profanities at the TV screen, I'm looking forward to shouting "THANE, START ACTING MORE LIKE YOU DID IN YOUR LOYALTY MISSION AND LESS LIKE A GENERIC CHARACTER". I should probably rename the disc to "SHEPARD FUCKS EVERYTHING" because, from what I've heard, you can be gay. Bout time, finally, every straight man who plays this game will eventually get curious or youtube the events or even more so that there's now nudity involved with the character so we've got gay nude scenes, suddenly, everybody who plays it becomes bi-curious and the gays finally rejoice with the huge market in pudy-tang to no go bag and tag with their flamboyant man-junk the size of a radio tower.

Now, the new Naruto game is purely for the fans. It's delicious and beautiful, it's called "Generations" and every character that's ever been in the series is here. You can have a young Naruto beating the shit out of the Raikage if you know how to play and I'm jizzing with anticipation over it. It's beautiful. Did I say beautiful? Yeah, I did but you can't blame me really, I am a fan of Naruto and this game is like Meth on a stick for me, I need it to come out right now and I mean, right now.

This was the previous game,
which was also juicy.

Alright, we know that Anime orientated games are for the fans, fans will buy it and there's a lot of fans for these kind of games, I bought Ultimate Tenkaichi at full retail price for £44.99 and I aint ashamed, it's an alright game, I don't even have any regrets but if the new Generations game is full retail price, I'm stealing it. Stealing it because I'm sad and desperate for this game, I will cave, like I said before, it's like meth on a stick, I don't know where the stick comes into it but it's a delicious stick and I will destroy it whilst it destroys me.

Right, that's all I've really got to say, I recovered from the hang-over, brimming with some creativity and now I need to continue with brainstorming for an online business idea.

Ciao Squeers.

Have some related articles:

Related articles

• Shepard Handles Conflicts with Words and Guns in 'Mass Effect 3′ Screens (gamerant.com)
• Naruto Shippuden: Ultimate Ninja Storm Generations Gets Box Art, Dated (multiplayerblog.mtv.com)
• Mass Effect 3 (tobolds.blogspot.com)
• New Naruto Shippuden: Ultimate Ninja Storm Generations screens and artworks (examiner.com)

The Future of Gaming? (SHOULD)

Right, I know I haven't really posted daily like I should have been but it's not like I'm exactly missed so SCREW YOU, VIEWER.

Actually, yelling my 18 viewers that I want to screw them usually gives of the wrong message (or the right one in some cases) so instead, I will apologize by writing out an article which will probably hinder the amount of ideas I'll write about in the future. But sod it, these ideas roll off onto this blog when I actually just THINK about an idea which usually just takes me about 2 minutes mac anyway.

Enough speaking, time to get to the article title! DAH FUTURE!!

Right, we know that I covered a few things like this in the "Retro Gaming" post, well I think I did, if not, look for it and give me some more juicy views to add to my collection (LOVE HEART <3) so instead, I'll write about what isn't being developed yet. Sure, the future is ******* bright, and it's NOT orange, but the area of gaming market will only become more creative as technology progresses and advances. As it is now possible to make meat out of your own poo, print out organs and can now do some freaky metal, magnet levitation kinda ****, what else could be next?

"AAAHHHH AHHHH MOTHER
OF GOD" - First player of the
simulator.

Well screw the general stuff, who cares about flying cars, hoverboards, a room that puts you in the shoes of the character you're playing, right? Haha, yeah .. wait, what.

Yeah, you heard it, they made a room where if you walk forward, your character walks forward, if you get shot, you get hurt etc etc

I remember seeing it, I just don't remember where. Was funny hearing him shout out in pain. The game was Battlefield 3, I remember that at least.

But this is an exciting to think about prospect when it comes to the gaming industry. I mean, games where you ARE the in the shoes of the character, where you run forward, he runs, you get shot, you feel his pain, it's mind blowing. Technology is going at an astounding pace right now, we're truly breaking into the digital age. In 20 years, where I'll be the ripe prime age of 40, I bet I'd be able to plug myself in like the Matrix and engage into a world where I can shoot down my ******* neighbour and shout profanities at him like "YOUR WIFE ISN'T HOT ENOUGH" or "I'VE BEEN S******* ON YOUR LAWN FOR THE PAST 5 YEARS" and it'd just be brilliant.

To think up some ideas for the future would be hard seeing as we don't know what is exactly capable of handling such concepts but I'll give out a few that COULD happen yet are also wacky and extreme.

I think I'd prefer a chip or something,
that s*** looks painful to insert.

Eye Implants - Look at the DSi and 3DS, they have a camera where certain games can incorporate that camera. For instance, the new Kingdom Hearts 3DS, it has an option where you can capture a monster and then view it through the camera, scratching it's belly like you've got something to prove about how F****** WONDERFUL YOU ARE but it's amazing. I saw a trailer where it flew about the room and you had to keep up with it. Say, if it went to the left and went off the screen, you'd have to turn the DS to keep looking and interacting with it.

Still, it's pretty juicy, this is only the starting point of full user integration. Kinect, Move and the Wii are all the starting points of what could make gaming become a central part of our lives. The Fable 3 promotion game where you walked into a shop and you claimed it for your faction was amazing. Put whatever Fable did with motion controls and BOOM. Oh and the eye implants would pretty much make everyone scared of each other.

God, dem eye plants. <3

Ciao, Squires and Squirettes.

HOLY MOTHER OF S*** THAT'S AWESOME

Kinect? (SHOULD)

Anybody remember the hype of the Kinect about to bash down the doors to our tiny little minds? Made out to be what is the next step in technology and will advance the way we play games? What concept looked and sounded impressive, the idea made your technological mouth water?

It looks delicious. Shame it doesn't delicious.

Personally, when I heard it, I had two thoughts in mind:

1. Wow, this actually sounds worth having! It's quite impressive, the motion capture thing!
2. It can't be all that. They're saying all this but I'm sure it wont be that good.

The use of logic astounds me, squires and squirettes.

As I was right about my second thought, I managed to grab myself a Kinect just to see what all the fuss was about. And right then and there..

It was fun as hell.


Popping in Kinect Adventures and jumping around like a ******* idiot was new to me, it was fresh and it was also something I could play with my girlfriend and family, no use of skill was needed, just the ability to jump and react to certain sequences.

HOWEVER


The more I played with my Kinect, the more the fad ran out. It became something I could just wave and talk to when I couldn't be arsed looking for a controller to finger. Funny thing is it did come out and do what it was promised to do. It actually did. Everything that was said about it didn't deliver any broken promises.

So why didn't it live up to its hype?

Oh, look, the main thing from the hype trailer that made me want to buy the Kinect.
...
WELL WHERE IS IT?! 

Well I'm not going to do research on what ALL of the hype was so I'll just tell you what I remember hearing about it, what it actually did and why it sucked in doing that.

1. Voice capture. Voice capture. It made it out to be that you could have full on conversations with the thing. That just by saying "Play disc" or "Turn on" was the basic features of the voice capture. Little did anyone know, you had to shout at it "Xbox" first then choose from a list of options. Plus it didn't turn on, I've tried, I shouted at it for an hour thinking it was broken. It just wasn't up to scratch with the hype that potrayed it.

2. Motion sensor. Motion sensor. Yeah alright, the selling point was the motion sensor which DID actually motion sense the **** out of you.

But they failed to mention how much god damn room you needed to play the ******* thing.

If you live in the UK like I do, room space isn't generous as we live on an island and we have basically 1/5 of the US population. That's a lot of people and when you compare the space? You have to make room for others.

The living room in which I played the Kinect in has two chairs, a sofa and a dining table in the middle. Even when I moved all 3 out of the way, the table was just to my left so I couldn't go left but I tried anyway. My leg hurt.

This is what they failed to add. Space. They didn't say very much about it and if they did, it'd have been compared to that extremely small writing that you get food products telling you what actually IS up with the product, it's just not right that the most important pieces of information are kept from us.  DAMN YOU, WORLD.

3. Play with two players. Play with two players. Just read above and imagine two people. I really need to move to America, that place has houses the size of my county.

That's all I can really think of right now, I'll probably come back and update this post again and again when I come up with new reasons to bitch about the Kinect. It's still a good product though, maybe I just haven't played many Kinect games so I might go ahead and buy that new Star Wars game where you fling a lightsaber around like a ******* idiot.


Ciao for now, Squires and Squirettes.

Was basically my Christmas and everybody elses.

Image source for that picture above: http://www.thenobleeskimo.com/images/kinectusers.jpg