INFJ and ENFJ: Relationships, Emotions and Love

Left: INFJ/ Right: ENFJ

As you can see above, there is an INFJ and an ENFJ. A Protector and a Giver.

I'm the guy on the left. I've chosen to write a self-exploration of our relationship to help others who seek the guidance for this pairing. 

If you've found this page, you're either fresh to the Myers Briggs personality theorem or you're an expert and this may be something you've needed to read. I'll try not to disappoint.  

I'll start with what our types are and mean. 

INFJ                     

I: Introverted          

N: Intuitive           

F: Feeling              

J: Judgement

Functions: Introverted Intuition, Extroverted Feeling, Introverted Thinking and Extroverted Sensing. If confused, please research Myers Briggs functions. All types have their own unique set on how we process information.

Introversion dictates how we recover our human energy. Introverts have a very wide open dopamine canal. Which means we react to things a lot more than Extroverts would. For example, I wouldn't be able to socialise as long in a social setting which inhabits a crowd of over, let's say, 6 people. The giant influx of information a human being exhausts, which I'm sure you know, can be taxing when you're receiving that information for a long sustained time. Introverts recharge their batteries by letting themselves recover in solitude or with a small group of very close friends.

Intuition is how we create threads of information in our head. It can be described as a sixth sense, a gut feeling. They present a concept and THEN go into the details of it. Idea creators are the core definition of what intuition ultimately is. Very imaginative, Intuitive's lead with a fresh instinct, almost like gambling but for every life situation. This may be difficult to understand. Please research if you wish to know more.

Feeling is what it says on the tin. It can means two different things if it's introverted feeling or extroverted. INFJ's and ENFJ's have extroverted feeling so I'll describe that. It can be described as empathy. Being able to absorb others emotions. You feel what they feel and it effects you as it effects them. Extroverted feelers tend to be more sensitive than introverted feelers due to being aware of the effects of their actions. They tip-toe around tough topics and tend to work out the easiest way to approach an emotionally taxing situation in the carefullest way possible, for themselves and for others. Introverted Feeling can also be researched if you want something to compare this description with. My short summary of introverted feeling is the ability to know yourself, putting yourself first over others. Contrary to popular belief, it's not as 'evil' as it sounds. 

Thinking is the processing of information. Many different thinkers can either process the information inside their heads or write information down in highly structural methods i.e. graphs, lists etc. People find it hard to identify the difference between intuition and thinking. The difference is intuitive's create information, thinkers organise information.

Judgement is the way we guide ourselves through life. J's tend to be more organised with their decisions, being less spontaneous with their choices. Note: judgement isn't identified by how clean someone's desk is. Usually, morality is a good indicator as J's tend to stick to their guns if they either like something or don't like something.

With the ENFJ, the above descriptions will suffice to describe the letters. I'll still cover the E so it's clear.

ENFJ                     

E: Extroverted          

N: Intuitive           

F: Feeling              

J: Judgement

Functions: Extroverted Feeling, Introverted Intuition, Extroverted Sensing and Introverted Thinking

Extroversion, like said above, is how energy is expended. Remember the dopamine line? With E's, imagine that the dopamine is being sifted through a funnel. They expend it VERY slowly. This is why you see the majority of extroverts in clubs and at parties, surrounded by people. They're trying to expend it. Staying inside for them can be explained in a description. Imagine your brain is creating dopamine all the time and it keeps filling your head, you're full of energy. You'd go out all the time if you wished to avoid that headache. 

Comparison

The main difference here is the E and the I. One letter change in a type can create very different personalities and very similar ones. Remembering the note after explaining the INFJ letters, every type has functions that help us process information. INFJ and ENFJ have the same functions BUT they're in a different order. Thinking that a change in the order of functions isn't much? Guess again.

The order of functions play a big part. The one that we start with, in my case, introverted intuition, is the main one I use, it's the one I've used since I was a child and probably the only one I used at all. Other functions come in later on in life. So I live primary in my head, seeing the world with red strings connecting everything. now ENFJ's, they lead with extroverted feeling. Take that in for a second... done? Ok. 

Extroverted Feeling is my second function but I'm extremely familiar with it. All these intense emotions, all the time. But I'm lucky enough that the feelings I feel have to go through the intuition, like a filter, so I usually internalise my feelings before I send them out into the world. It can be seen as unhealthy due to repressing it all but it's something we naturally do. ENFJ's don't have a filter. It's emotion all the time. They've been reading people and taking in emotions since they were kids and they remember everything that ever effected them in a huge way, it shapes their personalities. The contrast here is that they show their feelings and THEN they put it through their intuition. Put yourself in an ENFJ's shoes and imagine you've effected someone in a negative way by exerting your feelings. Then imagine thinking about it once you've done it. It's not easy for the ENFJ, I'll admit. 

Let's Get Personal

I'm 23 and my ENFJ is 20. We've been together for just under 2 and a half years. We met at University and within two weeks, we became boyfriend and girlfriend. I'm unusually confident for an INFJ due to my best friend being an ESTP, whose functions are a direct mirror of mine. I still feel anxiety heavily but through my best friends subliminal and subconscious hints, I worked out that I could use it as a motivator. This results in a motivated INFJ. 

Now when I first saw my ENFJ, something clicked in my head. The intuitive gut feeling told me that this girl is interesting. A rarity for me. Initially, she was closed off and stand offish but with the power of the INFJ insight and some knowledge of Carl Jung's teachings, I knew she was hiding her true self due to the new environment we were both in. Note: Sounds creepy to know this much, I know, but this is how strong an INFJ's intuition and feeling is. 

We became closer. Eventually, she invited herself over to my place after, she told me, she realised that trying to get a WiFi connection by sitting near her door could be rectified by just visiting me at my dorm. I agreed. We chilled well into the night watching DVD's and eventually fell asleep. 

The rest is history. Now we're living together and we're soon to be finishing our final year at University.

The Dynamics of our Relationship: INFJ and ENFJ

Note: I'll be speaking in third person to not single out my ENFJ. I'll be giving insight about INFJ's also.

As brief as can possibly be, with the INFJ, you have an intense and quiet partner who loves extremely deeply. With the ENFJ, you have a partner who requires emotional validation and loyalty who also loves extremely deeply. 

INFJ's absorb feelings so if you wish to enter a relationship with an ENFJ, I recommend that you be EMOTIONALLY STABLE. You have to be emotionally tough as ENFJ's will show intense emotion at regular intervals, good and bad emotions. ENFJ's, I recommend that you take your INFJ's silence not as neglect but that INFJ's need their space to get back on form now and again.

INFJ's and ENFJ's will both see aspects of themselves within each other. You are essentially viewing your own personality in a different order. This can prove to be an advantage in developing yourself, the INFJ can teach how to maintain your emotions and ENFJ's can teach how to be more open with interacting with the world and organisation skills. The second advantage is they're the same functions so you don't have to worry that you're progressing down the wrong route as you will eventually develop the functions of your partner, with patience and drive behind you.

If you go ahead with a relationship with an INFJ/ENFJ, be prepared for a very intense and intelligent relationship. The ability of an NFJ is that emotional intelligence is mandatory to being one. Expect to be loved like you've never been loved before and if you have been loved like that, they will find another way to love you. It will take more effort than the usual relationship as it requires you to put in the effort to nurture each other and understand one another. The payout will be a great one. As the effort you put in will produce a very rewarding and happy relationship. But bare in mind that there will be the odd problem that will come out of nowhere. But if you work through it, you will find happiness.

If you're seeking or are in an INFJ/ENFJ relationship, comment with your own experience on your relationship and add another perspective!

NOTE: I WOULD LOVE FOR AN ENFJ IN AN ENFJ/INFJ RELATIONSHIP TO ADD THEIR OWN PERSPECTIVE. PLEASE COMMENT IF YOU WISH TO ADD MORE!

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