Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts

Friday, 25 November 2011

Top 10 360 games according to me! (Continued)

6. Fallout: New Vegas


The Fallout series is truly delicious. It's based on exploring an entire map with guns, swords, rocks, parts of animals, being in pants and nothing else if need be, it truly is quite the trip. Fallout is always the deliverer of quick wit, story choices, weapon discovery and the V.A.T.S system which is unique in itself. It's quite in depth when I think about it, armour usually needs reparing along with weapons, you can craft items into better stuff, build and buy attachments, hell, you can kill vendors and take all their items if you don't have the money for it but it depends on how you are as a person really.

My own experiences are always leaned towards the power of good! But when I get bored, I might go on a little massacre or kill a vender and pilfer his s*** then sell it all on for a profit, I'm just that kinda guy. It's a good thing I don't get bored easily otherwise I'd have probably killed my family by now.

But that's just between you and me.

All in all, you'll like New Vegas. It's dynamic and the replayability is brilliant. I might pop it in now actually but then I have to do two more of this list so I am quite a sad panda.

5. Bulletstorm


Now hold on, chaps, let me get this straight. The story was too short and the level design was something to be desired but that's all.

NOW ONTO THE GOOD STUFF!

Bulletstorm has a LOT of charm. The writing and script are genius, you can play just to hear them speak. Your main character is a complete smart ass and every wise crack he makes made me chuckle a little. The gameplay's not that bad either. The idea is the more creative you are, the more points you get. I kinda think you're limited by each stage on how creative you can get but it still works. The more you overuse one method though, you earn less points so its always good to mix it up a little. Plus, you need these points to refill ammo and upgrade and other stuff, it's a system that works.

You'll have fun with Bulletstorm, no doubt. I'll put my life on the line. Only joking, I can't allow you to be that much of a c***.

4. Assassins Creed Brotherhood


The Creed series is pretty popular. It's about assassins fighting templars using machines to go into the past using a certain person DNA structure because apparently, you can relive a persons ancestors memories blah blah blah MORE IMPORTANT STUFF RELEVANT TO THIS POST

You're an assassin. +1. You're Italian. +19323498273498724 DO YOU KNOW HOW SEXY ITALIANS ARE, THEY CHALLENGE MY SEXUALITY

Back on topic, in this game, you can control other assassins and make your own guild, send them on missions and they f*** up shit for other people because you've told them too. And when you're bored, you can buy the god damn Colosseum whilst you're bored.

I could write more but what needs more pointing out then being Italian, an assassin and buying the Colosseum?  

LAST 3 PICS IN THE NEXT POST, CHAPS.

Sunday, 20 November 2011

"Squares n' s***" "Cool story, bro'" Minecraft

Everybody who's come across Minecraft will eventually get addicted to it. There isn't a chance you wont, when you start off, it's intimidating with all these formulas and having to mould stuff, combine stuff and "WHY CAN'T I FIND WHAT I NEED" syndrome, I remember my first experience of not being able to find iron and instead of coal, I just burnt wood instead because I used science and science usually does work in Minecraft, I can't suit up with a gold sword and full armour without getting my arse handed to me since gold is basically f****** useless in the game.

But Minecraft is the production of an indie company called .. I've forgotten, hold on ..

*Cough*
So yeah, Mojang. Guy called Notch, well his nickname, made this game with a few more people and it was a hit. It was a unique idea. You create your world by uisng squares, you mine recourses like dirt and stone, you build shelter away from enemies who really want to destroy your anus (don't get me started about spiders), you get bombed by creepers, who happen to be the scariest f****** game enemy you will ever see when you start Minecraft, and building your own tools. You place blocks, you can have an idea in mind and yo do it. You realise it wont happen over night so you either stop the project or keep going. Once you've completed your project, my GOD DOES IT FEEL GOOD because it's a game that makes you work for your damn goals.

SSSSSSSSSSSSSsssssssssssssSSSSSSSSSSSsssssssSSSSSSSSS


Now other mainstream companies, THIS IS HOW YOU MAKE A GAME.

You give the people COMPLETE control. You make it so they can get rid of what they want, work for what they want and LOVE what you want. But it's too late, other companies. You can't do this concept without either copying it or making it overly complicated. You can't. Minecraft is the revolution that'll stay in control due to its ever growing fan base and modding community. 

They beat you too it and you're sick with envy. They made such an obvious idea real. And we love them for it. Mojang is brilliant and nobody can say a bad word about it. Even Notch makes me want to cuddle the **** out of him.

Cuao, Squeers.

I hope you lol as much as I did.

Wednesday, 16 November 2011

"I am a robot" "MOTHER OF GOD, SPARE MY CHILDREN" (AI)

The ears a gear.
Heh.
Gear.
AI. It scares the living **** out of me. Because I'm not an idiot. Intelligence is intelligence. You make intelligence, it's going to act out on its own eventually. It's right round the corner as well. How exciting.

Off course, AI already exists in the games we play. I wouldn't called it advanced AI, I'd rather compare it to the severed head of a dog which can still react to what's going on but just be a head. Not alive, just natural impulses to certain actions that we perform on them. You see an enemy dodge your bullets, it's script, nothing more.

BUT

If enough script was pumped straight into a characters code, or DNA, then it'd react to everything. Take some code out, modify it, put it back in, you have a unique character. See where I'm going with this?

"OMG, JUST LIKE REAL LIF-"
"SHUT THE **** UP"

In the future, robots, androids, cyborgs, what have you, will all have a unique personality for each model. We've already had two chat-bots go up against each other and it was funny as hell as they started arguing and they both had the personalities of their gender.

Skynet is upon us. Soon we wont have to lift a finger. And it's because of that, that robots will inherit the Earth and we wont be able to stop them..

Oh god, I'm getting tingles.

Ciao, Squeers.

MOTHER OF JESUS, GET IT AWAY

Saturday, 12 November 2011

Exclusive = Dick Move (SHOULD)

I have a distinct hate for console companies buying out other companies. Don't get me wrong, that's how businesses work but I hate the fact I wont be able to Play FF13-Versus on my 360. It looks like an extremely impressive FF and I wont be able to play that **** without a PS3.

DO WANT ..
But can't have ..

In this case, I don't get it. FF's have been coming out for the 360 since 12. What makes this one exclusive? Can't the 360 hardware handle it? The 360's hardware is pretty piss poor, no surprise there, Bill, so it wouldn't surprise me at all.

But exclusives in general aren't a good business prospect at all. Why limit yourself to ONE console? The 360, somehow, has the bigger market share than the PS3. I don't think of the Wii being in the same generation, it's its own generation so I can understand exclusives for the Wii, I'm cool with that. But the 360 and the PS3 should team up together and release the same games for each console if companies ever think they'll make more money.

I am quite excited about the Zone of the Enders HD pack coming to 360. And the Metal Gear Solid HD pack. And the Devil May Cry HD pack.

God, I love HD packs..

Ciao Squirees.

DO WANT ..
AND CAN HAVE!



Thursday, 10 November 2011

INTP T_T (Would)

Note: I was very inept at typing. I've kept this here to show progression of learning your own type and that it will take a few tries to get to the right type. I'm INFJ. Enjoy my younger ramblings!


€I know my blog posts are basically about gaming and the industry in general but sod you all, I'm going to write about my personality type. Then I'll probably write about how it could work in the gaming industry. Yes, I'm kissing my own ass and it tastes like ass but what do you expect from as ass if you kiss it? Don't say chocolate, that's manually applied.

I've come across these letters jumbled up together on the internet and I had no idea what they meant. I recently stumbled across these letters again and thought "YOU SHALL BE ANALYSED, I NEED TO KNOW WHAT YOU ARE" and by god, I did.

If you came into my head, you wouldn't want to leave.
...
Then my head would be full of .. nevermind.
They're personality types. A woman called Isabel Myers-Briggs manages to categorise all personalties into 16 categories. I got INTP which is known as "The Thinker". Basically, I have GREAT ideas that could change the nation but I usually can't be arsed either explaining them or following through with them. Which is true actually, when I have an idea, I don't do it straight away. Well actually, I did this blog on the same day I thought about it but for the rest of my ideas, I usually put it off until the last minute before I follow through which is quite bad. Good thing this blog is here, I guess.

Alright, I'll fully explain how this works. There's:

Extroversion and Introversion: Basically,  extroversion is to act outwards onto objects and people and introversion is to be inward thinking about ideas and concepts.

Sensing and Intuition: These lie down to how we perceive information. Sensory type people trust factual information, what they hear and know. Intuitive people prefer theoretical and abstract information.

Thinking and Feeling: These effect how we make decisions. Thinkers use logic and rationalise each problem before they approach it. Feelers make decisions by emphasizing or associating with the situations.

Probably because my idea's are a bit resourceful..
Judgement and Perception: Judging would be to asses the situation and react accordingly, perceiving would be to jump in head first and act to everything on a whim.

Now it's at this bit where I bring in the gaming section because I'm so god damn precise.

WHY HASN'T ANYONE MADE A CHARACTER PROGRESSION GRID BASED ON THIS?!

Sure, people can basically create a character in most games, give him skills and what not but no one's actually related to their own character from the inside, have they? They're all basically the same character with pre-written lines. To use this concept in gaming wouldn't be hard. 16 outcomes. 16 to choose from. You'd be surprised how ACCURATE the descriptions for these are. I was impressed when I read mine. I then did my mums and my dads and they were scaringly accurate. Mum was a "Doer" and Dad was an "Artist". Seems a "thinker" is a good inbetween. Although I don't agree with it entirely, I am known to disregard thought and enter a situation with no fear. But then again, this was learnt from BEING an INTP so I guess I can't get out of that one.

So yeah. Games companies. Do this. Latch onto this idea. No one owns this method of categorising, it's free to use, far as I'm aware. I'm still waiting for the Creative Director job or the Web-based reviewer job. Just saying, viewers.

Click on this link and answer it to find your own personality category:
http://www.personalitypathways.com/type_inventory.html

Then click on the corresponding combo and read away here:
http://www.personalitypage.com/html/portraits.html


Ciao, Squireens. (Yes, I made that up, saves me having to be gender specific)

This is my personality love match.
Why does this concept excite me way too much?
Shouldn't I be crying or scared?


Tuesday, 8 November 2011

The Future of Gaming? (SHOULD)

Right, I know I haven't really posted daily like I should have been but it's not like I'm exactly missed so SCREW YOU, VIEWER.

Actually, yelling my 18 viewers that I want to screw them usually gives of the wrong message (or the right one in some cases) so instead, I will apologize by writing out an article which will probably hinder the amount of ideas I'll write about in the future. But sod it, these ideas roll off onto this blog when I actually just THINK about an idea which usually just takes me about 2 minutes mac anyway.

Enough speaking, time to get to the article title! DAH FUTURE!!

Right, we know that I covered a few things like this in the "Retro Gaming" post, well I think I did, if not, look for it and give me some more juicy views to add to my collection (LOVE HEART <3) so instead, I'll write about what isn't being developed yet. Sure, the future is ******* bright, and it's NOT orange, but the area of gaming market will only become more creative as technology progresses and advances. As it is now possible to make meat out of your own poo, print out organs and can now do some freaky metal, magnet levitation kinda ****, what else could be next?
"AAAHHHH AHHHH MOTHER
OF GOD" - First player of the
simulator.

Well screw the general stuff, who cares about flying cars, hoverboards, a room that puts you in the shoes of the character you're playing, right? Haha, yeah .. wait, what.

Yeah, you heard it, they made a room where if you walk forward, your character walks forward, if you get shot, you get hurt etc etc

I remember seeing it, I just don't remember where. Was funny hearing him shout out in pain. The game was Battlefield 3, I remember that at least.

But this is an exciting to think about prospect when it comes to the gaming industry. I mean, games where you ARE the in the shoes of the character, where you run forward, he runs, you get shot, you feel his pain, it's mind blowing. Technology is going at an astounding pace right now, we're truly breaking into the digital age. In 20 years, where I'll be the ripe prime age of 40, I bet I'd be able to plug myself in like the Matrix and engage into a world where I can shoot down my ******* neighbour and shout profanities at him like "YOUR WIFE ISN'T HOT ENOUGH" or "I'VE BEEN S******* ON YOUR LAWN FOR THE PAST 5 YEARS" and it'd just be brilliant.

To think up some ideas for the future would be hard seeing as we don't know what is exactly capable of handling such concepts but I'll give out a few that COULD happen yet are also wacky and extreme.

I think I'd prefer a chip or something,
that s*** looks painful to insert.
Eye Implants - Look at the DSi and 3DS, they have a camera where certain games can incorporate that camera. For instance, the new Kingdom Hearts 3DS, it has an option where you can capture a monster and then view it through the camera, scratching it's belly like you've got something to prove about how F****** WONDERFUL YOU ARE but it's amazing. I saw a trailer where it flew about the room and you had to keep up with it. Say, if it went to the left and went off the screen, you'd have to turn the DS to keep looking and interacting with it.

Still, it's pretty juicy, this is only the starting point of full user integration. Kinect, Move and the Wii are all the starting points of what could make gaming become a central part of our lives. The Fable 3 promotion game where you walked into a shop and you claimed it for your faction was amazing. Put whatever Fable did with motion controls and BOOM. Oh and the eye implants would pretty much make everyone scared of each other.

God, dem eye plants. <3

Ciao, Squires and Squirettes.

HOLY MOTHER OF S*** THAT'S AWESOME

Friday, 4 November 2011

Retro Games (WOULD)

You know what I love about nostalgia?

It's not hard to achieve.


Christ, I'm not that old!
I'm an Xbox 360/PC Master race gamer and I think there's two things about being both.

The XBLA (Xbox Live Arcade) keep being updated with classics from the era I grew up in. I was born just after the Atari's into the 8-bit era so I loved the **** out of my NES, SNES and Megadrive. I still have a Megadrive. I've personally bought all the Sonic games because he was my man. He was the one I always wanted to be like, I remember one P.E. lesson at school, I ran down my road with my arms way back because I thought it would "make me go faster" and by god it did. I was knackered though.

But being a PC gamer, I have access to EVERYTHING retro. Emulators are now easy to download and roms, sad to say, are easily distributed across the internet. I only download the ones I've either bought and played or seen others play. Because why not? Retro gaming played a big part of my childhood and I'm not afraid to embrace it. Now to find a way to link my 360 controllers to my laptop and PC and I'll be set. oo, I found one. Thank you, Google!

That's more like it!
What gets my grill is that games are no longer as colourful and as simple as games today. There was something so therapeutic about running across a level to get to the end, something that gave us all a feeling of success. I'm not opposed to games today but what if the first game you ever played was COD? Doesn't sound pretty.

I've always stood by the fact that video games do not make people bad influences but something about growing up with current generation games makes me think if it actually does make a difference to some extent. It depends on what you play, I guess, but I think the fun of the old games has disappeared. Games like Spyro, Crack, Croc and Gex have now become buried in their shiny graves to make way for the big boy games like Halo, COD and Gears of War.

Sure, Ninendo are still wacking out Mario games and Sega still release the usually milked, terrible Sonic game but they still don't have the magic they used to have. Ok, I'm leaning more towards Mario games then Sonic but hey, still not the same in my opinion.

Zelda, you delicious morsel.
Leave a comment on the game you remember playing when you were growing up!

Ciao, Squires and Squirettes. <3



Who actually thought
this would be a good idea?!